Family.....like it or lump it!

I have a wonderful family - as evidenced in my last post - but like any family there are characters amongst the normal ones. My husband's brother is trying to drive me crazy - I've basically have come to that conclusion. He's very needy - and always doubts himself - he stresses over whether to say hello to someone or not. I just don't get it. He calls my husband sometimes 3 times in the same night. Its obvious that he is lonely but yet he won't go out and make new friends or even try and step outside the box. Its almost like he cuts himself off from people on purpose so that he can be sad about it.

Yet other times - if he doesn't want to talk to someone he just doesn't answer the phone or return calls from his machine. This includes calls from his elderly parents who are a two hour drive away. I think my husband has had to go over to his apartment no less than five times to make sure that he was alive otherwise his father would driven up to his apartment Can you imagine going over to make sure one of your siblings is alive - the horror of that - and then when you get there.....everything is fine. I mean - you actually think that you are going to find his body decaying with maggots, the whole nine yards. The horror of what he puts his "loved" ones through is astounding. He actually shows an attitude because you interrupted his "pity" time and ruined his plans for making everyone else around him miserable. Almost makes it seem like you are a loon because he is fine and the rest of the world - including his family - are all deranged.

But the insanity is not limited to my in-laws - there are issues in my own cirle of family that are quite unique. For instance - I've told you all about the wonderful trip that my aunt wants me to go on..............Well - I finally broke the news to my mother and my God - you would think she's a spoiled brat three year old - which at that time - she never was. My grandfather would never have tolerated that kind of reaction from her - no matter what age - and yet - once again - I was the mother. I had to apologize to her because she would not be able to take that trip - that she was not even asked - I mean how much does she think I can control. Answer: absolutely nothing - therein lies the crux of the situation - no matter what I say or do - I am still the thing that has limited her life. From my inception to my 41st birthday - I still feel like I've ruined things for her.
Some days I handle it better than others - this day - not so good. When I told her I was going - it sounded like a toddler had their "blinky" taken away. And there was absolutely no consoling her..........just wailing.....then anger.....then tears.....then heavy breathing.....then anger.......

The whole time - the ugly green monster was there - jealousy. But jealousy of what? I don't want to think that my own mother is jealous - but at what point do I concede that its just because she's going through so much? Why is there always this thing out there when my Aunt Denise and I get together. Or do I display the same type of feelings and am not aware of it? My parents have conveyed in the past that they wished I could have achieved the things my Aunt did - but they always forget the work and struggle - determination she went through to do it. Let's not forget about who and what she has lost along the way - I haven't - but I don't think they even consider it.

Obviously I have so much anger at them about this whole situation - I have yet to begin to figure out how to deal with it and I have to because it is starting to ruin my outlook. On so many fronts - not just daily things but about my decisions for the future - which used to seem so far away (the decision making end result) - but everything now. The laws of nature are so clear and they get more concise the older you get - that every action has a reaction. That may be one of the absolutes that scares so many people as they get older. I know that it scares the shit out of me - more often than not.

So I rant....rave.....and digress......just the whole helplessness of the situation is what stings the most.......and that's why I have you........I guess/hope/wish/fantisize......the list is endless.....in the end.....its best to just put it out there.....so now you have it....whether you wanted it or not.